Effect Of Self Content And Self Life in Our Relationship
Too many people believe self-love is an overblown theory and they often ignore its importance. It is easy to picture someone reading self-help books, but self-love is much more than that because all what these books does is to tell you to love yourself, but they do not really give you a reason.
One should not completely believe the theory of “self-love or self-esteem”. It really does not make sense in any capacity to hold oneself in high regard and love without any worthy reason because one may actually hold his/herself in high esteem more than they really deserve.
A 20th century philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein identified our image of reality which is clearly the true fact of our suffering. This fact is very likely to be wrongly pictured which is to say our representation of “the reality of” why we are suffering is often misinformed.
This comes to place when we cannot really figure out why we are suffering. We often characterize this suffering with just a particular reason whereas, it has many different factors.
Let us consider self-contempt which is simply a strong feeling that a person or thing is below one’s dignity and unworthy of one’s respect, notice or concern. On the other hand, self-esteem is considered to a feeling of regard and love for oneself.
How much value we place on ourselves determines what and who we allow in our lives. Many people live in guilt and self-contempt as a result of one mistake or the other which was actually their own fault.
Leaving them with the feeling that they do not deserve good things anymore rather they deserve the opposite because they feel they are bad and are just worthy to receive same.
The feeling of self-contempt can greatly affect every aspect of our lives like our job, relationships and even our family. Our family sometime compounds our self-contempt through the following ways; abuse, neglect, forced
dependency, oedipal parenting style.
It is worthy to establish boundaries between you and your parents while you still maintain in a very healthy relationship with them.
If you are self-loathed, you will hardly proceed through the maturity process rather you will constantly compound.
Self Content And Personnal Relationship
Self-contempt can as well negatively affect our relationships- we fail to keep effective communication with someone we get along with or most times believe we are actually doing so whereas, it is false.
As a result of low self-esteem, we treat people with negligence and lack of trust most often. When we take a deep look into this situation, we are likely to realize that people who holds themselves in contempt believes that this is the only kind of relationship they deserve or cannot even control it as a result of their low self-esteem.
And this class of people often takes offence when someone better emerges. This also makes them think they cannot get a good partner because how terrible they are, or their partner is negligent because they are bad and always at fault and they deserve to be treated like nothing.
Furthermore, you might have a career goal that can genuinely make you happy, but self-contempt will prevent such happiness because you feel you cannot achieve those goals and therefore, do not deserve
such career. This will discourage you from pursuing that very career. Secondly, having a job you consider underpaying, degrading and uninteresting which can contribute to self-contempt.
This kind of job you are able to secure might make you feel you do not worth a better opportunity or this is just how low you deserve to remain.
The awareness of oneself and their own importance develops over time through the experiences we make and the meaning we attach to them as no one was born with low or high self-esteem.
As long as things run smoothly, it is easy to develop and present high self-esteem. But self-esteem may easily drop when setbacks and challenges appears.
Before we go further, I would want us to understand the difference between self-esteem and self-love;
Self Esteem and Self Love
Self-esteem is an evaluation and acceptance in an attitude. While self-love combines both feelings and action.
Some ways we can combat self-contempt;
1. Surround yourself with supportive people: Avoid people who only make you see the negative aspect of yourself and thereby, make you seem less of who you really are.
2. Do what makes you happy: You are more likely to think positively when you do things that you enjoy. It could be reading, cooking, games etc. Just try to create time out of your everyday schedule.
3. Focus on what you can change: A lot of people worry so much over things beyond their control and most times neglecting things that really matters which they can easily work on to achieve great goals, this act is negative.
Try to always concentrate on things you have total control over them and see what you do about them.
4. Always keep to mind that everyone makes mistakes: Mistakes are there to set you on the path of knowledge and growth, so do not be too hard on yourself when things go wrong as a result of your own fault.
5. Be nice to yourself and be the best of you: Do not go extra miles to please people against your own happiness and wishes, except where life is at stake.
Always treat yourself first with total care and love. Remain real.
6. State your goals: Define the things you need to achieve and how you intend to go about achieving them.
Set a deadline for yourself and work within that time pace.
The above mentioned procedures are just few most effective ways we can efficiently fight self- contempt. It is worthy to equally note that some people develop either self-love or self-contempt from their childhood days due to the kind of upbringing they had, the environment they grew in, the people they associated with, the quality of basic education they had and lastly, how their parents trained them from childhood.
Self-love is the bedrock of moral virtue, nobility, kindness, generosity and
humanity in totality and as well diminishes self-contempt which makes all the above mentioned seem impossible and unrealistic.
When you combine the confidence from the self-esteem you have in one area of your life, it can manifest into a very strong self-love. Take your feelings in different situations into cognizance to determine when you feel more confident so as to remind yourself that you are the same person in other areas. . You can never show total kindness, be generous or truly love someone else if you do not love yourself first and think good of yourself- this means that you are not the only one who tends to suffer from your self-contempt, but everyone around you will as well be affected.
You can attain good self-esteem and self-love if you accept yourself just as you are bearing in mind that none of us in this world is perfect- love the good way you handle yourself